Sometimes pessimism overwhelms me.
I can’t help it, I just don’t feel optimistic about things. At a logical level I know things aren’t that bad (that they’re actually good), but the pessimism is too powerful.
I have 8 products I run, 7 by myself. I have no savings. I’m losing money on most of my products. Frankly I don’t have any fucking idea what I’m doing. Oh and I have a baby on the way.
What the fuck am I doing?
But I keep going; for some reason.
I’d call it blindly, but it feels more like improvisation.
When I’m jamming on my guitar I try to let go of all thought and let my instincts guide me. At a certain level this is what my life feels like right now.
Something inside of me is steadfast. Take one step at a time. Stay creative. Keep moving.
The rest of me is freaking out.
Then one night I’m walking home and the weather is perfect (a rarity in San Francisco). I’m listening to some great music (Ben Howard – The Wolves) and everything clicks. The panic subsides, the pessimism fades. Things click. Just for a little while, but they really click. I still have no idea what I’m doing or where it’s all going, but at a certain level it makes sense – it will work.
That’s when I realize that the world is a crazy cool place. It’s so much more than each of us individually. It’s evil and good, chaos and tranquility, danger and peace, all wrapped up in one crazy package. You have to appreciate just how much opportunity it gives each of us to live the most interesting lives.